What made you realize you were LGBT?

Unlike most kids, I didn’t actually develop any crushes until I was 11. Maybe it was emotional immaturity, maybe it was because I was preoccupied with other stuff, but whatever.

Here’s something you wouldn’t believe: I used to think being gay was gross and abnormal.

Yes, you read that right.

Between homophobic classmates and teachers, government action at the time, and media portrayal of LGBT people in the early 2000s, I thought that being straight was the only way to live life normally. Looking back, that wasn’t even my own opinion. I just absorbed whatever I heard.

Things turned upside-down in the summer of 2011.

A new family had moved into an apartment three floors below me. I learned from my dad that they had twins — a boy and a girl — the same age as me. When I told my friends about this, they made a bet that I would be attracted to the girl by the end of July or something like that.

I got to introduce myself to them one afternoon when I ran into the kids while picking up the mail. For security’s sake, let’s call these kids Paolo and Camila. I learned that their family had moved multiples times in the past year and a half, from El Salvador to Miami to Baltimore to New York as their parents switched jobs.

Over time, a jittery sensation in my gut grew every time I saw the twins. At first, I convinced myself into thinking I liked Camila, but whenever I was left alone with Paolo the feeling didn’t disappear like it would with straight people. In fact, it went from a spark to a bonfire in an instant.

Unfortunately, before I could process or do anything about it, Paolo and Camila’s family was deported back to El Salvador, which just left me and whatever the hell I was feeling.

I grappled with it for a couple years and came out to my best friend when I was 12. From there we did a bunch of experiments and stuff to try to figure out if I was gay or bi or something else. By the time I was 13 I learned to embrace my gayness and came out to my dad and my school.

Seasons change, people change even more.